It is with a heavy heart, and some reservations, that I resign as a Raiders fan, effective immediately.
This has been long overdue. And while tonight’s loss was somewhat defeating, there really wasn’t a chance of being competitive, so it didn’t hit me that hard. To be honest, I really only watched about a third of the game, choosing instead to flip between Monday Night Football, preseason NHL hockey, and a Formula One race in Singapore. And the last two held my attention more than watching the FBS vs. DIII contest masquerading as an NFL game.
But two of the plays I saw tonight really stood out, and made it apparent that I didn’t want to be a part of this organization of Silver and Black fans any longer. The first came at the end of the half. With the ball squarely placed on the 50 yard line and five seconds remaining, the Raiders could have given Seabass a chance at doing something historic in the midst of an otherwise meaningless game. He was warmed up and ready to go for a 67-yard FG attempt in awesome conditions… but no-go. You could see the disappointment on the future Hall of Famer’s face. I bet even the Broncos fans would have been jacked to see it attempted!
The second came on a 4th and goal at the 1-yard line. With a mobile QB, and one of the best RB’s in McFadden (who was amazingly healthy no less), the Raiders ran a pass play, which of course was IN—COM—PLETE!
And that was that. After sticking by the team throughout the Al Davis let’s-draft-the-fastest-guy years, the new-coach-every-two-years era, and the 15-QB’s-in-ten-years stage, it took a dropped pass in the endzone on 4th and 1 to break the spirit.
So, movin’ on. As I stated earlier, I’m now a free agent, free to choose whichever bandwagon I wish to hop on. I will accept offers from any and all teams, but I do have a few conditions:
- The team cannot have anyone named Tom “Cindy” Brady on it. You can’t trust a guy who has better hair than his wife.
- All submissions from AFC West teams will be immediately met with foul language, possibly reinforced with hand gestures.
- I’m allergic to the color purple, and any bluish-derivative of purple.
- Go home Seattle. You’re drunk. And obnoxious. And I can’t stand your coach and his G**-damn gum. For that matter, ANY Western division team, AFC or NFC, can consider themselves eliminated.
- I am NOT a fan of overly-whiny coaches, so we can cross Jim “Don’t Touch Me” Schwartz and the Motor City Kitties off the list.
- Not sure I could openly root for the Steelers. Not due to anything recent, but there were a lot of battles back in the day, and it wouldn’t seem right to go to the other side. It’d be like Danny Larusso joining Cobra Kai… just wrong.
Yeah, that’s about it. I’m open to be sold on just about any other team, so have at it. Please submit your offers in writing in the comments below.
I would like to wish the Oakland-LA-Oakland Raiders well in their future endeavors. I’ll miss the wonderful players I have watched over the years like Howie Long, Ken Stabler, Marcus Allen, Woodson, Brown, Hendricks, Gannon, and Bo Jackson. I’ll miss the colorful coaches like Madden, Chucky, and Art Shell. I’ll miss watching teams slip and slide on the only dirt infield that criss-crosses a horrible playing surface. I’ll miss the amazingly poor lighting for night games that gives the field a run-down, haunted look. And I’ll miss the tradition of winning that once existed in this franchise.
But, I also look forward to moving on to a new organization and the thrills that are part of a new relationship. I will most likely take this season to weigh my options, and select the team that best fits my needs and desires.
Or, I could just resort to cheering AGAINST Bill Belli-cheat and the New England Patriots, and spending all my positive thoughts on the Philadelphia Flyers and the Bismarck Bobcats in a sport where hitting is still legal (hockey, for all you brainwashed into thinking a sport where four seconds of action and thirty seconds of standing around is the best action in sports). I guess I’ll have to wait to see what offers come in from the field.
Good luck, Raiders. And GO WHOEVER-IS-PLAYING-NEW-ENGLAND!